My Mormon Journey

We are at a time of year when there is a lot of focus on presents and food and all else that a celebration of Christmas brings. Thankfully there is also more focus on being kind to one another and serve those in need. Last year I was struggling hard with exhaustion. I had no energy for anything and I was barely getting through the days. I felt bad for not having any energy to do anything for anyone else. Then I read a piece about a woman bedridden with cancer and how she was able to serve others from her bed. I found that if she could serve, I could too. But how? I was too exhausted to go out and do, so I needed people who needed my help, to come to me, or at least be put in my way so I was there at the moment they needed it. So I prayed and asked for exactly that. Heavenly Father jumped into action quickly and I got a call from someone who asked me to do something that would be on my way and fairly easy to do, but still meant a lot to those it concerned. The days and weeks follow...

I was asked recently if someone could interview me about me and my illness(Fibromyalgia) and if I had an angle for the interview. I'm still thinking about it, but one thing that kept going around my mind was how being only able to work 50% makes me feel less. It makes me feel 50% worthless. 50% less of a wife, a mother, a friend, a... anything or anyone. Because when I have worked 50%, I don't function normally the rest of the time, as long as I don't work - the rest of the time I need to recooperate, to rest, to be able to go back to work again. I sometimes feel I only have 10% of my life left. And it hurts. I feel like the following sentence that I read on the internet: "I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in a body of a person who wants to sleep alot". It is like loosing someone, just that the someone is you. The one you used to be, the things you used to do, the things you thought you would do in the future. Like someone so eloquently...