Days like today are stupid

The kind of days you wake up with migraine and fever-like symptoms and your body only wants to lie in bed and your tears just flow. But you can´t. 
Because, in a few hours, we are throwing a birthday party for our youngest. ´lotta baking and cleaning to do! Usually I'm very fond of both, but not today. Today I do not want to. Today, the body does not want to. And definitely not the head. Painkillers for breakfast again.

But that´s what it is like being a mother having fibromyalgia. You are hurt and sick, but still you have to keep going. It's simply impossible to put that job away. I would not have liked to leave it to others either. But that does not make it easier. 

Put the mask on. Form the mouth into a smile. The energy that does not exist must be extracted from the depths within me. I think I would have become an awesome athlete. The way they continue on, long after their body and energy are empty, their mental strength keeps them going. They force the body to push more than what they really can. And I'm good at that!

It's a torture to never know how the next day will be. Without knowing how the body tackles some things and thus doing too much. Go with too little sleep for extended periods of time. Clearly, it takes it toll on me.  Right now I am in a period where a whole night of sleep is gratefully accepted as a miracle. A mountain that came to me. Amazing, but true. And so incredibly wonderful! 

At the same time, I would like to live a little once in a while. Go for a walk. Paddle carefully. Feel the wind against the face and feel the muscles being used. It's usually good as long as I'm careful. But sometimes you suffer no matter how careful you use the body. However, it is not an answer for me to sit on the sofa or lie in bed every day. It's outside I feel I'm alive. And as long as I manage, I will continue to fight this annoying disease. Even if we have to live together, that does not mean I have to accept it. 

I google for every way possible to get a better everyday life and implement what I can.I strongly believe that food and diet helps. I lost 12 kg (about 24 pounds) in 3 months with a low carb diet. It felt great! After a fantastic summer holiday - with normal food  - it's back to everyday life. With stress and bad food, my health is deteriorating again. The food I can do something about again, and I am, but it's harder with the stress. With 5 children, there are a lot of concerns and practical tasks. That's just how it is.

Right now I take one day at a time and am happy for every day that goes without having "given up" to live vs existing. You must always try. You must always continue. The US postal service has an unofficial motto:

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"

Both you and I are part of the "postmen" of life. We have tasks that must be performed, such as spouses, friends, family, acquaintances and as single people. When I say tasks, I just as much mean just being. Being available to those around us. To share smiles. To share sorrows. Strengthen each other. And that applies regardless to the weather conditions in our lives.

Oh, well. So today is a stupid day.But it's a day I've been given. So I have to make the most of it. And I am grateful that I have it. And tomorrow there will be a new day. 

What a blessing each and every day is. 

And you know what, I don´t really think I would make an awesome athlete. Because the strength that I get from the depths within me is in fact given from the skies above. I am so eternally grateful for the gospel in my life and for the strength it gives me. It is truly my light in the dark and I am so grateful it is there to lead me on. 

Me and my birthday girl!