Trying to become more selfish

That does sound a little odd, doesn't ? Trying to become more selfish. But sometimes it is actually very necessary, although maybe not in the way it sounds...

I recently read in the LDS living magazine that there is a burnout epidemic.
I have been fighting my own for quite some years now. If you try to be "perfect" you will always have to fight to become something that is not possible. But still, typically women, try this anyways. 

A perfect sunset

But what is really perfect? Is it to get up at 5AM, go running, take a shower, put the make up on, wake your husband and children with a soft kiss, going to the kitchen, preparing a wholesome breakfast that all love, make them lunches that give them all the fiber and fun they need, driving them to school, coming home, cleaning the house, babysitting the neighbors kid, walking your Dads dog, serving at the local shelter, shop according to your preplanned list, go home and make dinner from scratch while canning something for the  food storage in your basement, serving them dinner, helping with homework, cleaning up after dinner, putting away the clean clothes you washed earlier on, get the kids to bath or take showers, serve them an healthy evening meal, tucking them to bed, read them a story, and then...collapse. Sleep and start all over again. 

If your picture of perfect is the ideal supermom that has time and energy for everything, you might be pursuing something that will never be accomplished. We are all so very different and what we can give and do is not the same. SO not the same! I love a quote, I am not sure who this is, but it describes this so perfectly:

"If you think you know the perfect family, 

you don't know that family very well".

That is so true. When most people are out and about among other people, well, we try to behave our best and be good. At home, in the safety of our home, our fears, our tears and our troubles no longer need to be hidden behind what we want others to see. 

Because nobody is perfect. So what if so and so can do this and that and you can't. Does that really make them a better person? We all have our struggles and adversity, some are easy to see, some are invisible. I will never forget a Sunday when a friend of mine looks at me and says, with a sad look in her face and sighs: " I don't know why I even try. I will never be like you, anyway. You are able to do everything". 

I remember staring at her, completely taken aback.How on earth could she think I was someone to become more like?! Me? Do everything?! Oh, my. I suddenly became aware of the very saying from above. I was so not perfect. She clearly did not know me very well. But how could she when I carried my burdens on the inside, carrying out my work, and collapsing physically and mentally when I was alone. At that moment I understood that I needed to become more transparent. I started to share more of my challenges and insecurities and as time has passed, there are so many others out there, striving to become something they really can't. It is such strength to share that we all face many of the same challenges, and I find strength in knowing they too are not perfect. We are just ordinary people with different problems, striving to become better. But the big difference that we need to understand, is that we only need to become a better me. A better version of our self. We do not have to become like whoever we know that seem perfect. I promise you they have their loads to carry. Do not compare yourself to others. Who we are consists of so much more that what shows on the outside. 

Well, back to the heading. Trying to become more selfish. Why? Because I keep walking into the "trying to be perfect" - trap time and time again. And-it-just-does-not-work! I do sacrifice a lot for my family and especially the children. But doing all I can, well actually more than my mind and body can cope with, has made me sick. I was at a parenting course the other day and they said the following:

 "Taking care of yourself and taking time to do something that you like to do, is important. It is NOT selfish to take time for yourself. If it is, well, then, you need to become more selfish. Because if you don't take time to yourself amidst all that you do, you will eventually break down. And what good would that do you? And what good would that do to your children?"

I am writing this at a rehabilitation center far up in the Norwegian mountains. I will be staying here for 4 weeks all together, for exercise and rest, prescribed by my doctor. Both things that I never take time to do when home. But our bodies need both. My homework will be to find time to rest in life. But not to just rest, but to do something to fill my cup of life, take time to do something that gives me energy, that gives me joy. 

One of the ladies I am here with, also said something very important to remember:

"If you, by the way you live, teach your daughters to do everything for everyone, but not yourself, they will do the same, and your sons will expect the same for their future wife. We need to show our children that they are indeed important, but that we have to take time to be present in our self too. We too matter."

Up here, we are divided into groups of 17 people. Our ages range from 30 to 60-something and we are as different as they come. Men and women from different lives, families, experiences. We are all sick or exhausted from a chronic illness or other challenges. We laugh a lot together and after only four days together we feel lucky to be in our group. We already belong in some sense. I feel blessed to be here and I look forward to the remaining weeks of resting, exercising, learning more about how to relax and take back life, and how to tackle my illness and keep working and living life. So my last words to you today, are:

To take care of your family, 

remember to take care of yourself

The view from the rehabilitation center - genuine Norwegian for ya! 

If you want to follow my blog, I have a Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/My-Mormon-journey-and-life-205935556435238/