My Mormon Journey

We are at a time of year when there is a lot of focus on presents and food and all else that a celebration of Christmas brings. Thankfully there is also more focus on being kind to one another and serve those in need. Last year I was struggling hard with exhaustion. I had no energy for anything and I was barely getting through the days. I felt bad for not having any energy to do anything for anyone else. Then I read a piece about a woman bedridden with cancer and how she was able to serve others from her bed. I found that if she could serve, I could too. But how? I was too exhausted to go out and do, so I needed people who needed my help, to come to me, or at least be put in my way so I was there at the moment they needed it. So I prayed and asked for exactly that. Heavenly Father jumped into action quickly and I got a call from someone who asked me to do something that would be on my way and fairly easy to do, but still meant a lot to those it concerned. The days and weeks follow...

I was asked recently if someone could interview me about me and my illness(Fibromyalgia) and if I had an angle for the interview. I'm still thinking about it, but one thing that kept going around my mind was how being only able to work 50% makes me feel less. It makes me feel 50% worthless. 50% less of a wife, a mother, a friend, a... anything or anyone. Because when I have worked 50%, I don't function normally the rest of the time, as long as I don't work - the rest of the time I need to recooperate, to rest, to be able to go back to work again. I sometimes feel I only have 10% of my life left. And it hurts. I feel like the following sentence that I read on the internet: "I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in a body of a person who wants to sleep alot". It is like loosing someone, just that the someone is you. The one you used to be, the things you used to do, the things you thought you would do in the future. Like someone so eloquently...

The kind of days you wake up with migraine and fever-like symptoms and your body only wants to lie in bed and your tears just flow. But you can´t.  Because, in a few hours, we are throwing a birthday party for our youngest. ´lotta baking and cleaning to do! Usually I'm very fond of both, but not today. Today I do not want to. Today, the body does not want to. And  definitely  not the head. Painkillers for breakfast again. But that´s what it is like being a mother having fibromyalgia. You are hurt and sick, but still you have to keep going. It's simply impossible to put that job away. I would not have liked to leave it to others either. But that does not make it easier.  Put the mask on. Form the mouth into a smile. The energy that does not exist must be extracted from the depths within me. I think I would have become an awesome athlete. The way they continue on, long after their body and energy are empty, their mental strength keeps them going. They force the ...

It is almost 01am. I am awake. My worries keep me awake and I am pretty sure few people in the world are having this particular worry tonight: What if the Campi Flergei volcano wakes up?! The what, you say? Campi Flergei is a supervolcano situated in Italy, Vesuvius is but a baby in comparison. I am going to Italy this summer and will basically be driving a top of this super volcano. I asked my husband what if it blows while we're there?! He smiled and answered: haven't you always dreamt of being up close with a volcano? Well, yes, a sleepy one with a little lava sprinkled with a dash of  ashes. Not one that, according to the latest article, could obliterate the whole of Europe!!!  My mind works by taking all scenarios in to analysis and then come up with solutions. (positive trait while playing games - I almost always win...) But not so positive with anxiety. So...one possible outcome is of course that this particular supervolcano goes boooom while we are there. The worst bo...

We believe that we, our spirits that is, lived with our Heavenly Father before we came to earth. In the great council in Heaven,  Jesus Christ vounteered to lay down his life for us, to suffer, to be ridiculed, to feel pain beyond comprehension. He came forth and said: "Here am I, send me". He did it because he knew the importance of what needed to be done, and he did it because of his great love for his Father and for all of us.  So many people in the world get angry with God when  life seems unfair, and even cruel. Many ask the question: "Why do bad things happen to good people?"  Consequences, both good and bad, are a natural part of our lives. Everything and everyone are pieces in this great puzzle of life. And every piece matters.  I belive that we too, before we came to earth, had the opportunity to take upon us a life of misery, or pain, or heartache. Maybe you raised your hand bravely and said:  "Here am I, send me!".  Des...

I know people who are struggling with way more challenges than me, that seem to have everything coming down at them at the same time and fight it off with not only a smile, but with love and patience for everyone else around them. i feel very humbled by their example and almost feel I should not complain about my challenges. At the same time we all have challenges, big or small, and we need to draw from eachothers strength or even each others trials and challenges. There is always so much we can learn from eachother.    I am not dying. But still I feel I am losing my life. A few years back I was told that I have Fibromyalgia. I was also told that this would not neccesarily interfere with my life as it was. But as the years have passed, I got more and more sick, but refused to give in. I told myself that I would continue to go to work everyday until the day came that my body was not physically able to get there. That happened last August. Alsmost out of nowhere. It was as ...